My swamp cooler needs to be filled with water, that is all. If this guy falls through my roof, he's not getting paid.
Now he is on my front porch clearing his sinuses in loud, short bursts. He does not spit. I don't know what's worse keeping the spit in or letting it fly in my yard.
Now he is using my bathroom. He has been in there for a long time. Thank God I cleaned up my typically messy bras-on-the-shower-rail-bathroom before he came over.
He's back in the front yard, annnnd, he spits.... and "JOSH! YO!" Waves at friend down the street.
He hovers in my front doorway. I am waiting to write him a check just to get him to leave the property. He says that he and his girlfriend, who happens to live up the street from me, broke up over a financial dispute ("his bad", he admits). He didn't apologize "all the way" enough for her.
If he talks to me for another 30 minutes I'm going to stop, drop and roll right on the ground in front of him.
"Yep, my mom and dad got divorced when I was eight..." he continues, craning his neck around to see if he knows the guy driving by in the pockmarked Chevy truck. He doesn't. He loses his train of thought. I see my chance and leap at it. "Well thanks for your help, I've got a phone call to make... business... you know... gotta call into work... (door shutting)..thanks again... (his eyes still peering in the crack in the door). I close the door and lock it.
Finally. I am $25. lighter and he is gone.
I switch on the swamp cooler, and the electricity go out.
